Thursday, 21 November 2013

Liar liar

Our foster child has been lying to us and it has disappointed us very much. It has been happening for a while but the lies were caught out incidentally. We've had to talk to our child and so far no harm has been done, but who knows how far it could go? It hasn't been personal, but it feels personal. It's disappointing, it's been trust-breaking and it's something we really should have expected.

Sadly there are patterns of behaviour that seem to affect quite a lot of looked after children and lying is one of them. For our foster child they learnt to lie to survive before they came into care. Ok, now they are happy, safe and secure - they have no reason to lie, but how do you switch off a behaviour that has been established over years, just like that? 

We had to think carefully how we dealt with the situation - for their own well being it couldn't be ignored, and we needed to teach them that their behaviour affects us, that we felt hurt and betrayed, but we also needed to show forgiveness, compassion and love too. The things that had been lacking from their previous existence. 

So a fresh start has been set, the air has been cleared, sorrys have been said and so off we go again.

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